When the Sun Wants to Kill You

Recommendations from a sweaty, pale soldier in the Sun Wars

Jul 01, 2025

Check out my first post here to read more about the namesake of this newsletter and make a copy of the input/output tracking sheet if you so desire.

Upcoming classes

Nothing till the fall it’s summer break baby!!!! I’ll bring back Comedy Writing for Non-Comedians, Mine Your Life for Funny Ideas, and How to Write a Short Humor Piece, as well as a NEW class on topical satire starting in September.

In June of 2023, I noticed a weird spot next to my left eye. It was sort of a little open wound (sexy) and I assumed I had picked my skin in my sleep (alluring). But over the next month, it never truly healed. Since I noticed it in the mirror every time I brushed my teeth, I made a dermatology appointment to have it looked at.

Bravely sharing a large photo of my face for educational purposes...

My dermatologist said it was “probably nothing” but he would do a biopsy “to put my mind at ease” after I was a lil bitch about it. A week later they called and told me it was basel cell carcinoma. Right next to my eye.

A month later, I had a Mohs procedure to cut the cancer out of my face and then went directly to a plastic surgeon to ensure my eye would close correctly. This was the exact time I got very ill in my first trimester of pregnancy so I was not the most diligent with my aftercare for scarring, but the little silver scar next to my eye is way better than the much larger one I would have had if I had waited another few months or years to get it looked at. This was my second bout with skin cancer after I had a small melanoma removed from my chest back in 2015.

These experiences radicalized me and I am now a warrior in the Sun Wars—a sweaty soldier who loves to make lists and share her hard-won weapons.

I hilariously need to state that none of these are affiliate links, I am not a one-person marketing company and I don’t care if you buy any of this specifically. I just care about your protecting your beautiful skin from the hateful sun! Enjoy my demented service journalism below:

Face

Straight sunscreen: it’s true: Korean sunscreens are the best—don’t clog your pores, lay well under other products, don’t make your eyes sting. HOWEVER, you must buy them direct from the retailer’s website because they are constantly faked on Amazon. And turns out, fake, expired sunscreen doesn’t do shit for you—who knew? Beauty of Joseon works great for me, an oily-faced person, but it’s sold out on their site right now so unfortunately I do have to recommend a more expensive option, which is Goop’s (NOT related to Gwyneth Paltrow's company) Unseen Sunscreen. I also like Prequel sunscreen, which is a well-priced dermatologist-developed skinscare brand.
A good facewash to get that SPF off at the end of each day. This was a huge barrier to daily sunbscreen wear for me—I felt like I could still feel it on my face when I went to bed. I switched to double cleansing and that solved my issue. First I use a cleansing balm specifically to break down the sunscreen, then I use a regular face wash to get all the city grime off my face. Banila is a great option.
Tinted moisurizer with SPF: You can’t just wear this unless you’re globbing on a huge amount. I apply this over regular sunscreen to even out my beautiful pregnancy-induced roseacea and give me another layer of protection (accepting I can be a haphazard applier at times). The most cosmetically elegant product is Laura Mercier’s line but it’s $54 (criminal) so I save my two-year-old likely expired tube for when I actually want to look nice. During a regular day I recommend Versed with SPF 40 (sold at Target) if you have oily skin, and I know people with drier skin love the Ilia tint, also SPF 40 (made me look like a greaseball).
Hat: As an owner of fine hair that craves hat head I have long resisted hats, but since the surgery I’ve given in. There are people who look chic in sun hats and then me, so I just go with a baseball cap. If you want to be cool, try one of the MoMA hats (I have the black MoMA one) and if you want to be unbranded grab a plain one from Gap.
Ice roller: this is technically a cosmetic tool, but anytime you’re sweaty and puffy go ahead and roll this bad boy over your face, focusing on the eyes (shut them first, please). Getting your eyeballs cold is a highly underated sensory experience. I like this big one with the bad graphic design.

Body

Cooling shorts: This the type of innovation human minds should focus on, we have enough SaaS startups. Instagram ads steered me right and Thigh Society shorts are IT. Any time I wear a dress in the summer, I have a pair of these underneath to cool the undercarriage. I’m sure there’s a cheaper option but these work so well for me I will pay $40 a pair. We must encourage the inventions we want to see in the world.
This whole company: Built-in bra tops and dresses are very popular and good for hot days, but also very short. If you are an adult who needs their ass covered when they do things like ride the subway, I can recommend these cheap, borderline-ugly dresses from 32 Degrees, a new-to-me company that seems to cater directly to people of sweat with their “32 Degrees COOL” line, not to be confused with their winter line, “32 Degrees HEAT.” They have men’s products as well. Everything looks vaguely sleepwear inspired, but this is not a fashion newsletter, this is about avoiding heatstroke so you don’t selfishly pull focus at your nephew’s Little League game.
Designate your sweatrags: Each summer I buy 4-5 light dresses in darker colors from Old Navy. These are my sweat rags. I wear them on days I know I will be sweating almost nonstop and then throw them in the wash. Your sweat rags should be cheaper clothing, because the constant sweating and washing will destroy them in a season. I give you moral permission to buy fast fashion here.
Overshirt: Get a light cotton or linen button-down to throw over your more bare outfits when you go on longer outdoor sojourns. I am simply not going to wear body sunscreen every single day when I work from home on my bed—the thought of sunscreen on my sheets makes me feel sick. Aerie makes great big shirts that are very light so they don’t contribute much to the Sweat Factor.

Feet

One of my biggest pet peeves with the footwear industry is a) the audacity to post photos of a shoe without a foot in it, and b) the lack of imagination re: what will sell your product. Show me an image of your shoe on a human foot that has just taken its 20,000th step in Rome on an August day. If that swollen-ass foot still looks comfortable I will buy your shoe, no questions asked. You’re supposed to wear sunscreen on the tops of your feet, something I do forget to do almost always, so I stick with a sneaker to cover the tops of my feet. Sandal company Reef has a VERY good one I’ve been trying this summer called the Neptune sneaker that you can wear as a sneaker-clog if the thought of tying your shoes is simply too much (it is).

Inner Body

I’m only an expert on a few things (MH370 conspiracy theories) but one of them is electrolyte tabs. Here’s the deal: if you are not training for a triathlon, marathon, or to run to Canada during the upcoming Civil War, most electrolyte tabs have WAY too much salt and sugar in them for normal people who just sweat a lot while they walk the dog. YouTubers will try to sell you the stupidly named LMNT which has 1,000mg of sodium in each serving. That’s over a third of your daily needs, which leaves NO room for fries. You will blow up like a pufferfish during your conference call!!! Your shoes won’t fit!! I am extremely brand loyal to Nuun tablets for several reasons: are easy to carry with you on trips (drink one after your next longer flight and thank me later), there’s a slight carbonation which is delightful, the flavor isn’t as intense as LMNT nor as disgustingly passive as La Croix, AND it only has 300mg of sodium per tab. They also make a whole line with caffeine in them, perfect for after a hot commute when you need to get it together and “work.” I highly recommend the fresh lime flavor.
Magnesium: a lot of elecctrolyte tabs/powders have this excellent ingredient in them, but I take mine in pill form at night. It helps with water retention and I’ve found it to be an amazing sleep aid as well—especially in the summer when your limbs are swollen and you’re probably walking and standing outside more than usual, it eases aches and pains. I have ethics so I am not telling you to just start taking supplements, do some research and speak to a doctor if you have concerns. If you do want to try it, just get encapsulated pills—all those sleep solutions with magnesium and tart cherry are way overpriced. IMPORTANT: get magnesium GLYCINATE, magnesium CITRATE is a constipation cure that will make you shit your pants. Ask me how I know :(

If you fuck up and get burned:

Aloe vera. Bring this on vacation with you or stock it in your home. You don’t want to be in a drugstore shivering and moaning trying to buy some at 8pm after a day of drinking on the beach. Buy the cheap stuff, it’s all the same.
Anti-inflammtory meds. A sunburn causes inflammation in your skin (epidermis, dermis, and hypodermis) which as you probably remember from elementary school, is the largest organ in the body. Knock that inflammation back!!

Mind

A hot playlist. Even if you’re inside in AC, summer can be a state of mind with the right music.
Embrace a Sweat Mindset. If you’re going someone like an outside BBQ, don’t wear gray. Wear black. Yes, it attracts a big more heat, but you can confidently sweat through it. Wear your hair up in a fun clip. Carry a little towel with you like the ones divers use to sop up sweat. Wear one of these goofy ass fans around your neck. You’re hot, and everyone should know it.

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